by Susan Weber

The internet says the visible part of your hair is dead. Only the hair still under the skin and therefore flush with your blood supply has any biochemical activity. Fingernails are dead too. So the longer you grow your hair and nails, the more dead weight you’re carting around with you.

Think of the ladies on cinema screens who swoosh and swirl their hair, lacquered talons glinting at the camera. Now picture a world where Batman and Superman swoop in to save any given day, their heads and hands encumbered by superfluous dead stuff. I am laughing because, well, it’s ridiculous.

The internet has theories to explain why so many women accept the impedimentary drag. And it’s not just the excess hair and nails. Why choose high heels, tight clothes, super-tonnage handbags, and elaborate jewelry over styles that facilitate movement? One blogger blames it on glamorous women of means who have servants to act on their behalf. According to this theory, those of us who do our own laundry imitate the rich girls so we can feel pampered too. Say that again? Pampered means sausaging your size 12 fanny into size 8 jeans on a daily basis? Really?

Elsewhere on the internet, pampered super trendy women are cautioned to avoid a thing called boyfriend jeans, modeled on the more relaxed fit our male counterparts enjoy. Jeans that fail to properly suffocate the wearer are man-repelling, we are warned. Beware!

So it all boils down to allure. But let’s be honest, shall we. There are women who want to be nimble and quick and leap over incredibly challenging candlesticks. These women claim their desire and bow to their own fashion. For them, biochemical activity takes precedence over stultifying norms. If that’s not alluring, what is?

Photo by Eneas De Troya CC BY 2.0